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April 19, 2005

UK: Take a hike, high-tech for high-tech’s sake

Bespoke British car maker Bristol Cars has had a dig at high-tech mass-produced luxury models in a press release announcing a series of minor changes to its three-model line of luxury coupes.

Bespoke British car maker Bristol Cars has had a dig at high-tech mass-produced luxury models in a press release announcing a series of minor changes to its three-model line of luxury coupes.

These extracts from the press release speak for themselves:

“At the outset let us define clearly what we haven’t changed. We remain committed to a strict engineering based design philosophy. Consequently our latest saloons remain refreshingly free of fashionable but worthless gadgets. For example we do not fit a separate starter button. – we gave that up 46 years ago:

“No harsh run-flat 40 series tyres. No unfathomable computerised command and control system. No massaging seats with computer controlled side bolsters. No disobedient computerised transmission.

“On the other hand; our car starts immediately with a simple twist of the key. It has comfortable and durable 60 series tyres that will last a long time and are inexpensive to replace. They also grip well in all weather conditions. Should you have a puncture, a full-sized spare wheel ensures that you can complete your travels in comfort whatever your intended speed and distance.

“Our traditional switches are labelled in English or the language of your choice. If they or the systems they operate should ever fail, they can be repaired cheaply and simply by any competent repair man. Our seats are likewise of traditional design, beautifully shaped, hand trimmed and amongst the most comfortable ever fitted to a motorcar.

“Our transmission has reliable mechanical controls. If you select first gear at 40 mph that is what you will get until you, not a computer, decide otherwise.”

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