The fine media tradition of spoof stories for 1 April, April Fool’s Day, carried on in 2011 with a slew of excellent hoaxes here in the UK. The Royal Wedding at the end of the month was an obvious target taken up by one of the best at this annual gag, BMW GB.
Ping went the Inbox with this: “BMW has created a limited edition of the M3 Coupé to celebrate this special occasion. Now available to order from dealerships across the country, the Royal Edition of the popular M3 will be available in a choice of three exclusive colours – Regal Red, Bridal White and Imperial Blue. It is resplendently upholstered in Windsor White Dakota leather and adorned with a commemorative ‘Will’ emblem.
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“Joe Kerre, BMW Junior Operations Kindle Executive at BMW’s Forschungs und Narren division in Munich, spoke passionately about the latest M car: “The Royal Wedding has captured the people’s imagination so we thought that it would be a fitting tribute to offer an exclusive edition of one of our most majestic models. Given the Windsors’ German heritage, the BMW M3 Royal Edition should make for the ideal wedding gift.”
“News of the M3 Royal Edition comes after the critically acclaimed success of the BMW Political Roundel Attachment Tag, that let owners show their partisanship during the general election, and the Canine Repellent Alloy Protection that stopped dogs from relieving themselves on customers’ wheels.”
Germans are humourless? This from BMW in Germany: “Following the BMW M3 Coupé, Convertible and Sedan, a fourth body variant of this globally successful high-performance sports car is about to cause a stir. Under the strictest secrecy, the world’s first high-performance pickup has been created at the BMW M GmbH development centre. The sportiest example by far in this vehicle category, the M3 Pickup will fire the imaginations of all motorists with a deep appreciation of top performance matched by a keen practical bent. 309kW/420hp under the bonnet and a rear-axle load capacity of up to 450kg take the hallmark BMW M relationship between race-oriented driving pleasure and everyday utility to an entirely new level.
“This unique vehicle has already completed extensive test and set-up drives on the Nürburgring’s Nordschleife in advance of its global unveiling on 1 April 2011.”
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By GlobalDataThen there was Kia UK’s initiative to recruit British pigeon fanciers to impose Feather-Free Zones over dealerships to avoid the effects on pristine stock paintwork of, er, bird-related fall-out.
Not to be outdone, our colleagues at news agency HeadlineAuto had this: “Imagine being able to drive an electric car without worrying about conserving the batteries or whether you will reach your destination before the power runs out and you are left, red faced and thumbing a lift, by the side of the road.
“Scientists at the Alternative Power Research Institute Laboratories in Toro Mierda [put that thru Google Translate], Mexico have designed a revolutionary solution to the challenge of travelling long distances on a single battery charge.
“By creating a larger-than-normal front grille to a vehicle, engineers have been able to fit three 420mm wind turbines in front of the engine which, when driven at speeds of more than 70km/h produce sufficient energy to recharge the car’s batteries. They claim that this supply of constant power provides unlimited mileage regardless of the speed at which you are travelling.
“In fact, the faster you drive, the more power is delivered by the turbines. “If you drive at between 110 and 130km/h you can really get the wind up in the turbines and fully recharge the batteries in 80km of driving,” said Avril Folie, the Institute’s Chief Scientologist.
“The revolutionary recharging system provides batteries with sufficient charge to drive a vehicle for 120km in city driving conditions before needing to take them out on the open road to give them a brief recharge.
“For city dwellers, APRI has developed a foolproof solution to ensure that drivers never get caught out. Two smaller, extendable turbines are hidden in the front bumper of the vehicle and, when parked outdoors, can be extended on telescopic poles to recharge the batteries while the driver is at work or out shopping.
“A number of manufacturers have requested trials of the system over the next few months. “The main issue to be overcome with the wind turbine technology is how to make the front of the vehicle look aesthetically pleasing,” said Folie.
“At present the grille is not the most attractive and it would be difficult for manufacturers to maintain the uniqueness of their designs to accommodate the system. It may take a year or two for car designers to crack the problem but this solution has a 1/4 chance of making it into production.”
Over at British Airways, they came up with this, another crack at the Wedding of the Year, and Google announced a major keyboard-less enhancement to its popular Gmail programme.
A Ford insider insists this from Ford’s Cologne outpost is not a 1 April joke: “In their never-ending quest to reduce weight and therefore emissions and fuel use, Ford’s engineers have taken inspiration from the Aero chocolate bar to produce lighter plastic parts by injecting gas bubbles during manufacturing.” OK, we believe you, but it was a silly day to put something like that out.
All of which makes for a bit of light relief from what was a pretty serious week still with much to cover on the Japanese earthquake. We’ve kept the updates coming and will do so as long as the automakers provide such bulletins. It looks like most vehicle production will be more or less back to normal by mid-April though the long-term prognosis for some parts supplies is not so good and clearly the current way of doing supply chain is going to be scrutinised and production perhaps a little more widespread.
There was some worrying news about Saab this week and I hope this is but a temporary glitch. I haven’t driven one for years but have always had a soft spot for the Swedish brand, there are two 9-3s in our corporate office car park and both owners love ’em, and I hope it makes it, post-GM. But there is no room for sentiment in the auto industry in the 2000s, as the demise of Rover showed.
Our man with the City background took time out to listen to President Obama this week and I finally found time to sit down and consider the new Ford Focus line I had the chance to pedal around a snowy, rainy, sleety bit of Scottish coast a couple of weeks ago. I’ve seen some good reviews of this new OneFord both sides of the Atlantic and I now know why.
Have a nice weekend.
Graeme Roberts, Deputy Editor, just-auto.com
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