“Volkswagen’s supervisory board has reportedly called for an immediate inquiry into who within VW ordered scientific tests in which monkeys were exposed to harmful diesel fumes as reports in Germany say that humans have also been subject to tailpipe emissions testing.” Quote unquote. Hardly an original joke but ‘what were they smoking?’ comes to mind. ‘Or were they breathing the same ‘clean’ diesel fumes?’ As a certain UK tabloid columnist is fond of writing: “You couldn’t make it up.”

“I will do everything possible to ensure that this matter is investigated in detail,” Volkswagen supervisory board chairman Hans Dieter Poetsch said in a statement. “Whoever is responsible for this must of course be held accountable.” Hence the rather swift follow up: VW suspended media chief Thomas Steg in connection with the animal tests financed by the European Research Group on Environment and Health in the Transport Sector (EUGT). The automaker said its management board “accepted the proposal made by Dr Steg”, officially head of group external relations and sustainability, “that he be suspended”. I don’t somehow think we’ve heard the last of this.

When VW sticks to actually designing and making cars, it turns out some decent product. Our Man in Brazil has had a pedal in the new Virtus, Polo sedan to you, and liked it though he’d like to see a schnoz that makes the not-so-little saloon a little more distinctive than its hatchback brother. It’s good to see Brazil getting current models while they’re still actually current – think of antiques (like the Fiat Uno) that were palmed off on South American buyers, long after sell-by dates expired in other markets, with consequently outdated technology and woeful crash performance.

Future model analysis is always popular with just-auto readers and we have just put FCA under the microscope. Their products also get a mention – this just in – as our US analyst reviewed January sales, following a review of fleet sales policy, it looks like the floundering Jeep brand may be on the up.

Our tech analyst is still mining his CES notebook and you’ll enjoy his tale of how Samsung is shaping the future of autonomous driving. Both that supplier and South Korean rival had amazing displays at the Las Vegas exhibition – I’d swear LG’s was larger than my town. You can see the companies’ overlap with ‘smart’ – from fridges you can interrogate about stock levels from the supermarket (with a smartphone) to multipurpose TVs, to tech for autonomous cars. Very clever.

On the subject of shows, we’re keeping an eye on the upcoming model launches as Geneva sneaks closer and a New Delhi event attracts interest in India.

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Having blazed a Leaf-y trail with electric passenger cars, Nissan eventually stuffed the innards into its NV200 van to give buyers a zero emissions commercial and now it looks like Chinese giant (GM and VW partner) SAIC would like some of that action. Hence the arrival, in Germany to start, of the Maxus EV80. Or as someone quipped this week: “LDV’s back!”

Have a nice weekend.

Graeme Roberts, Deputy Editor, just-auto.com