Blog: Glenn BrooksWho knew public transport ads could be so good?

Glenn Brooks | 14 September 2012

I owe a debt to Autoblog.com for this link. I shall try to remember how greatly it amused me the next time I am on a bus journey anywhere in the UK, an experience seemingly designed to suck the joy out of your soul.

Am I alone in wondering if the majority of bus drivers seem to delight in accelerating and braking with as many violent jerks as possible? Are they hoping to induce mass motion sickness? The worst offenders seem to be those behind the wheel of the (dis)courtesy buses which, after a lengthy wait, collect you in rain-swept airport carparks before dropping you, greatly relieved, at the terminal. Eventually, you regain feeling in your arm, the impression of a hand-grip having been only temporarily burned into your palm, you realise with some relief.

One last rant, if I may. When it rains, why oh why dear God why do my fellow passengers take particular care to close all the windows, determined to enclose us in some kind of big red vacuum chamber? Do they gain a private, macabre pleasure from ensuring that we're sweaty and claustrophobic, the driver naturally and moronically having also set the heating to maximum, even for summer sunshowers?

The simple solution for steam-free glass and an agreeable temperature whatever the conditions outside would be reverse-cycle A/C in all buses: I am naively hopeful that climate control technology from the 20th century might one day find its way to mass-transport in Britain.

Thankfully, I have learned the antidote to the torture of the typical British bus, which so often looks ultra modern on the outside but becomes the very armpit of Lucifer once it has lured you in. So if you suffer as I once did, listen up, for I have the answer: in British cities, just walk (but carry an umbrella).

Maybe next time I'm in the land of the Danes, I'll open my mind and risk the alternative. I really want to believe they have cool drivers who do burn-outs.


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